Funny Ha Ha And Funny Peculiar

You could not write a new column of this ilk without starting with a classic and this gem will take a great deal of beating.

Clock watcher

It was 1992 and the government had decided to introduce daylight saving as a tourism initiative. On October 26, the acting medical superintendent issued the following memo to all senior staff at the Vila Central Hospital on the subject of ‘time change’.

“We have been directed the new time change. Please note that really there should be no disruptions of time tables. EG: New time 8.30am is the same as old time 7.30am.

“So even if you do not change your watch and keep to the old time, you will still be following the new time, bearing in mine (sic) of course that you are one hour behind of new time.

“If the new times confuses our current time tables. Please leave them as they are and keep to the old time.’’ It should not be a great surprise that daylight saving did not have a great future in Vanuatu.

Drink up

Another gem happened on New Year’s Eve about six years ago after the police had announced though the media that there would be a crackdown on drink driving on NYE.

An Aussie lad driving out of the Anchor Inn car park had forgotten about the directive and had a can of Jim Beam and Coke between knees. Police stopped him and ordered him out of the vehicle, which he did – clutching his drink sheepishly.

“Now drink it,” commanded a police officer.

The Aussie complied and stood there with the empty can, wondering what was next. The police officer took the can, crushed it and flung it away.

“Now continue on your way and remember – no more drinking and driving,” the officer said. The stunned Aussie did as he was instructed.

Service interruption

A recent visit by two friends to a restaurant in Vila was far from a roaring success as a dining experience. The men found themselves near the only other customers – a large table of 10 or so diners.

They ordered three courses each and two Woodstocks (a pre-mixed bourbon and Coke).

After about 10 minutes they summoned the ni Vanuatu waitress and asked where were the drinks.

“Oh, we haven’t got any Woodstocks,” she said.

“OK, two bourbon and Cokes please,” one of the men said.

Another 10 minutes passed and still sign of any drinks, so they called the waitress again.

“We are still waiting for the bourbons,” they said.

“The bourbon is out of stock,” she replied.

“Do you have any Tusker (beer)?”

“Yes.”

And the pair were finally able to quench their thirst. A few more beers and 90 minutes after ordering, the waitress was again summoned.

“Why after all this time, haven’t we even had our entrees yet?” they asked.

“Chef is busy,” was the terse response.

They then requested the manager’s presence and she explained that the chef only cooked for one table at a time and he was fully occupied with the large group of diners as they kept ordering more dishes.

The men then voted with their feet and left.

Taken literally

An expat living in Port Vila returned home one afternoon and was stunned to find her house girl cleaning their fridge out on the front lawn.

“What are you doing with the fridge out here?” she said.

The house girl looked most indignant.

“Because you told me to clean the fridge inside and out,” she said.

Anyone who has stories and anecdotes like this that they are willing to share can email them to etwilson23@gmail.com